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The Trials and Tribulations of a Broken Knee Mama

1/21/2016

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Well it's been one week since my knee surgery - which I survived. Or did I? Perhaps I am a ghost, going about my days like normal not knowing I'm a ghost ( a la the Sixth Sense....) I mean, I am pretty pale... But for arguments sake,we'll just assume I'm in the land of the living.

​Overall, the surgery itself wasn't too bad. They give you a heaping dose of anesthesia, tell you to imagine yourself on a warm, sandy beach sipping on something with an umbrella in it, and then seconds later (or so it seems), you're back awake and the whole thing is over, tropical vacay included. Piece of cake! 
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While the surgery may have been easy breezy, the recovery has not. Even though I really like and trust my orthopedic surgeon, he was not very up front with me about what all my recovery at home would entail. An hour or so before I went back for surgery, a technician came in to fit me for a CPM machine. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine is a gigantic, medieval-looking piece of machinery that you strap your leg to that bends and straightens your leg over and over, on repeat, all day long. This is to break up any scar tissue that could form and also to maintain range of motion of your knee. Sure... whatever, great... who doesn't love a consolation prize?

But then to add insult to injury, they tell me that for the next two weeks I will need to use it for 8 hours a day... yes EIGHT! Like a full time job eight hours a day- or actually more than that because normal 9-5 people don't work on the weekends. So a full time job, plus overtime with no pay, holidays, or benefits! Oh and go ahead and keep up your day job as a full time, stay at home mom, as well. No. Big. Deal. 
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Well of course, I handled this news how I handle all shocking and overwhelming things these days... with tears (although I don't think there is anything left I could be shocked by at this point).

How would I possibly even conceive of being able to do this? I'm a mom. Moms don't have time to be sick, much less strap themselves to sliding metal contraptions all day long! But really, what choice do I have? The goal is to get back to normal as quickly as possible and if thats what it takes, then I guess I better act like a big girl and get on with it. ​
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Hadley and I continuing playtime even in the presence of the "beast" - the loving moniker we gave my new sidekick.
Unable to do much on my own, we decided that it would be best if I headed down south to spend these next two weeks in Houston at my in-laws home where they have a spacious, more handicap-friendly, one story house. My mother in law (GiGi) is a math specialist at an elementary school but has been able to take off to help me get through the first several weeks of this nightmare. She even was able to borrow a wheelchair for me so that Hadley and I can cruise around the house (in style?). 
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I won't sugar coat anything. This has not been an easy time for me. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life, mainly because of Hadley. If my recovery only affected me this would be no biggie. Just a whole lotta me spending quality time with my CPM machine with a side of netflix + chill. Adding a baby into the mix (who I am still nursing, by the way....not to complicate matters at all), makes things exponentially more difficult.

Now that we are settled in H-town, Gigi has gone back to work (doing half days for now), so I've had to figure out how to take care of Miss Hadley in the mornings as a handicapped mommy. 

Even still, with as many obstacles as I have encountered since my ski accident, things are still mostly the same. Everything just takes lots longer. We still start our day playing dress up with mommy's box of bracelets. 
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Then we wheel ourselves around the house for breakfast, diaper changes, and playtime. It's not the most exciting of times for Hadley, I'm sure, but we are getting by. Luckily, she has a new friend to keep her entertained. 
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Once GiGi gets home from school though, I am pretty much tethered to my CPM machine for the rest of the day. If we didn't have her help I'm not sure how we would be surviving. She provides us with all of our meals, entertains Hadley, bathes her, takes her for walks, and most importantly supplies me with an endless supply of coffee, cookies, and wine! We are so very lucky that she has stepped up to help us out during this unimaginably difficult time. 

On the bright side, I've almost finished week one of my at home physical therapy sentence. We've got one more week to go and then we'll head back to Dallas to meet with my doctor next Friday to see how my knee is healing. 

All of this has been such a challenge, yet I really feel like having gone through this, I can do anything. I mean what can possibly be worse than fracturing your knee, having surgery, and having to maintain a full days worth of physical therapy all while caring for a baby who is still nursing and who is completely dependent on you? I'm sure there are plenty of worse things, but none that I personally have gone through. 

I truly believe that if God leads you to it, he will bring you through it. And so despite it all, we will carry on and get through these next few weeks as best we can. Luckily, I have the best unprescribed medicine that helps me get by on even the worst of days. 
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And then there's wine too... lots and lots of wine! 
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Surgery Eve

1/13/2016

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Dearest Hadley. 2016 isn't off to a very good start and I feel as though I have let you down as your Mommy. Obviously these feelings are more my own than yours, seeing as how an 8 month old can't really comprehend things such as these.  I definitely have let myself down, however.

Mommy & Daddy went on a ski trip with friends over the New Year's weekend and my fear of all fears came true. Getting hurt and being unable to care for you, which these days is my one, my only, and my most important job. 
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I know I can't beat myself up too much, as these things happen and there are far worse things in life than a broken knee. The truth is, as selfish as it seems now, Mommy & Daddy needed a few days off from being Mommy & Daddy. It just didn't quite turn out to be the relaxing trip that we had hoped for. 

Luckily, you have the most amazing grandparents who have stepped up in so many ways to make sure that life marches on - and it absolutely has. You are enjoying all of the extra attention and you are days away from starting to crawl! You even seem somewhat amused by my current handicap state.  
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I sit here tonight, however, on the eve of a suddenly scheduled knee surgery, wishing so badly that I was not in this position. I want to go back to the "simple" days of carrying you up and down the stairs of our house 4,398 times a day. I want to rock you to sleep at night. I want to come running to comfort you in the middle of the night. Not being able to mother you has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. 

I know this is but a blip in the story of our lives and that you will never remember a thing about these very difficult days, but I still feel awful about it. All we can do is pray that the surgery tomorrow goes well and that I continue to heal as quickly as possible. It's just that being faced with serious things like surgery can make your mind wander to the darkest of places and the worst of scenarios. I do have faith though, that God will carry us through this and I'll be back at home with you by the end of the day. 

Tonight, you so lovingly indulged me with the exact medicine that I needed - extra cuddle time, laying quietly and peacefully beside me, and even falling asleep in my arms. My sweet angel. In case there is ever a doubt in your mind, please know that you are my sun, my moon, and all of my stars. I love you so, dear girl and I promise to heal as fast as I can so that our lives can get back to normal.
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Let's agree to get this all behind us and make 2016 our best year yet! 
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Love you sweet Hadley!!!! XOXOXO

Love you too, Mase - thanks for being my rock throughout it all. XOXOXO
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8 Months Old

1/6/2016

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I've finally gotten over the shock that Hadley is going to keep getting older, but I'm still none to pleased about it. Right now Hadley is the perfect age! She is easy, sweet, lovable, sitting up, yet still not mobile. Let's go ahead and freeze time. I've said it before and I'll say it again...this was the BEST MONTH EVER! :) 

Happy 8 Months Hadley!!!
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Here are a few of Hadley's favorites this month...
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Milestones this Month: 
  • Sitting in a highchair at restaurants! (Woohoo! This made Mommy & Daddy's life so much easier!)
  • Sitting up and playing with your toys
  • Pulling up to stand
  • Saying "Mama" (Mamamamamamamamama.... none stop!) :) 
  • Eating... or more like gnawing on solids like crackers, apples, asparagus, etc.
  • Drinking water from a sippy cup
  • Sleeping through the night!!! 
Clothing/Diapers: 
3-6 month or 6 month in clothes, size 2 in diapers 
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Sleeping: 
I don't want to jinx anything, but.... we are pretty consistently sleeping through the night!!!! Hadley goes to bed around 7:30PM and wakes up after 5AM, at which point Daddy brings her up to our room. We nurse and then go back to bed until 7AM! Can I get an AMEN!!! Love our little sleeper! She also takes a good morning nap in her crib and then in the afternoon I usually let her nap with Mommy in our bed (Mommy's like naps too!) :) 

Favorite Toys: 
Bracelets, headbands, Elephant Walker, Sophie the Giraffe, Ball pit, etc... we are completely stocked up with new and exciting toys right now thanks to Christmas and many generous family members! Lots to play with!!

Things Hadley Hates: 
Santa, Blenders, and Cantaloupe. Strange child.... ;) 
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Hadley here are a few things we love best about you this month...

♡♡♡♡ We Love...♡♡♡♡
  • how excited you get when we are walking you upstairs to our bedroom in the early morning! Like "YAYYY! I get to hang out with Mommy & Daddy!!!"
  • watching you take in things you've never seen before like Christmas trees or candlelight.
  • your Mamamamamamamama... or at least Mommy does! :) 
  • your sweet tiny cough, whether it is fake or not, it sure is cute.
  • going out to dinner with you now that you can join us at the table in your highchair!
  • letting you try new foods, especially when you love them!
  • taking naps with you, especially when we fall asleep holding hands!
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You are such an angel, Hadley! We are so very lucky to be your parents. You bring sunshine to everyone you encounter and we are so proud to call you ours. 

As you grow older and more independent, we are slowly letting go of your baby days and are looking forward to all of the new things that you will learn. Watching you  grow is the most exciting and rewarding thing we've ever done. 

We love you so much Hadley Mae! 

XOXOXO
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Hadley's First Christmas

1/5/2016

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You have not lived until you've experienced Christmas as a parent. It is a hundred times better when experiencing it from your own child's eyes. I could have cared less about receiving a single present this year. The wonder in these sweet eyes was gift enough for me. 
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Continuing with tradition, we packed up our "sleigh" and headed east to Tyler to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with my family. We enjoyed spending time with Lissie, Uncle Connor, Aunt Claire and the rest of the fam, going out to dinner, game night, and sitting outside in the unseasonably warm weather. 
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We also attended the Christmas Eve service at Marvin Methodist. Daddy only had to make hasty exits with a bored Hadley twice! ;) 
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I've attended the Christmas Eve service at Marvin Methodist for probably the last 11 or 12 years of my life and every year I dreamt of the day that I would get to parade my baby in front of the entire congregation while wearing their Christmas best during communion. This year was finally my turn and I savored the moment of walking my beauty in red down the aisle past an admiring crowd!
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That night, however, I could not sleep at all. I was as excited as a child waiting for Santa Claus, fully knowing that Hadley wouldn't even grasp what was going on. It was yet another thing I had been anxiously awaiting my entire life - waking up early to celebrate my child's first Christmas. 

​Santa did not disappoint. 
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Hadley seemingly enjoyed all of her new toys! Maybe not quite as much as Mommy and Daddy, but oh well... :) 
It was a magical morning, filled with love, precious memories, and lots and lots of presents. 
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After a fun-filled time in Tyler we squeezed ourselves and all the presents we could fit into the car and headed to Houston to spend Christmas with Gigi & Pops, Cameron & Keisha, and Uncle Dave! 

Gigi had some fun accessories waiting for Hadley and of course just a "few" more presents! 
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Here are a couple of her favs...
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Our hearts are so full after this holiday season - and so is our house with all of Hadley's new toys! :) 

We will always look back fondly on this first Christmas that we shared with Hadley! It really was the most wonderful time of the year! 
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    Hi! I'm Caroline. Wife to Mason, Mommy to Hadley and Leighton. Follow our adventures in parenting, as I take a break from teaching to become a full-time Stay at Home Mama! 
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